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Friday 5: Watching my Figure

January 8, 2021
picture of noods

Lemme tell ya, working 5 days straight after being off for eleven days is for the birds. Even if I don’t have to commute anymore. I closed my laptop as soon as the clock hit 4:30pm. I am still cranked up about the riots on Wednesday and I need to figure out what to do. Sure, an email is just an email but who knows. One candle lights the darkness blah blah blah.

Tonight we had chicken noodle soup and buttermilk biscuits for dinner. The soup recipe is from Delish and the biscuits are from Blue Jean Chef. Both were amazing and I have the warm fuzzies from such a good meal.

And then we trashed up our wholesome meal by serving it in Mickey Mouse bowls on plastic Epcot Food & Wine Festival plates, which is fine.

With that said, let’s cue up the Friday 5. This week’s theme is watching my figure. Which, nope. Not this year.

  1. What are some figurines you own?
    We own a lot of Funko Pop figurines. WM is responsible for most of them coming into the house but the ones in the forground of the picture below are mine.
  2. What are you trying to figure out?
    The official Angry Man Farm garden plan for 2021. More crops, fewer squirrels and aphids, hopefully.
  3. Two circles or one continuous motion: how do you write the figure 8?
    There are two ways? No. There is one way. One continuous motion. It’s a figure, not two shapes. What is wrong with people?
  4. How do you feel about Fig Newtons?
    THEY ARE AWFUL and I can still remember the childhood horror of being offered a cookie and it being a Fig Newton. That crumbly outside surrounding the pungent mealy brownness? No thank you. (Note: I’d probably like them now because I am a crone.) Apple Newtons were fine.
  5. What’s a good metaphor to describe your first week of 2021?
    It was a marathon.
Foreground (L-R): The Dude, Rosie the Riveter, Yzma, Batgirl, Gritty, Leslie Knope, and Penelope Pitstop. In the background are three Indiana Joneses and Constance from The Haunted Mansion in her mortal and ghostly forms.

Tonight is movie night. This weekend I guess I’ll crumble and put away the Christmas decor. I have seed catalogs to peruse, I started a new book (The Book of Delights by Ross Gay) and I really have to make a few cards to send out this week.

Aand I’m watching Bridgerton, one episode at a time on Sundays. Next up is episode 3. At this rate I’ll be finished on Valentine’s Day, which will take me halfway through February. And March is spring.

Happy Friday, friends!


I never thought I’d blog about an attempted coup but HERE WE ARE…

January 7, 2021

One of the things blogging software lets you do is schedule posts in advance. Like, yesterday’s Cricut post. I wrote it on Tuesday and tossed it in the queue so it would show up yesterday morning. In umpty years from now when the historians scour blogs for what life was like on January 6th, they’ll look at January 6th’s blog posts and see me nattering away about smiley face stickers. I hope they have the smarts to look at what people are writing on January 7th.

So yesterday THIS happened here in the good ol’ USA.

Yesterday was the day that Congress was set to certify the Electoral College vote that elected Joe Biden and Kamala Harris into office.
Yesterday, the current lame duck president Donald Trump invited his supporters to the capital for the day and talked smack about Congress. He pointed them toward the Capitol and off they went.

Wearing preprinted hoodies, tactical vests, and trump hats while wielding flags, hidden weapons and very little brainpower, they started pushing through barricades and entered the Capitol building, causing both houses of Congress and the Vice-President to be evacuated. There were guns and homemade bombs. Four of them died. The rest of them were allowed to stroll around the building, taking selfies and stealing things. They smiled for cameras and their pictures are all over the media today. They waved the flag of an individual man in the legislative heart of my country.

Government officials on both sides called on Trump to tell his people to stand down, and he took his sweet time doing so, eventually releasing a video on Twitter (!) saying that he knew they were in pain because the election was stolen (!!) and that he loved them (!!!) but they had to be peaceful and go home. I swear I am not making this up. Most of them were allowed to just … leave. Go home.

I find it funny that after years of shooting at, gassing, and beating up protestors, the police found God and morality right when the white boys show up with their Trump flags. One hundred fifty years ago they would have been either killed on the spot or hung along the national mall. But most of them got to go home after their seditionist LARPing.

I am not an ACAB person. I do believe the whole role and culture of policing needs to be rewritten in a serious way. I am not a Defunder. I do believe that some funding should be diverted from policing to other social agencies. Let a social worker take care of a drunk sleeping on the street so an officer can stop actual criminals. But you really only need 20 bad Capitol Police to look the other way and let the crowd overwhelm the rest. Right?

And if these protesters were PoC they would have been shot dead before they made it to the door.

And the country, half of which is numb from the ongoing pandemic (373,000 dead as of today), watched this all play out live on every medium available.

Eventually Congress returned and counted votes until almost 4am to certify Biden’s win. And some Republicans, even after seeing the aftermath of almost a year of sowing the seeds of rigged elections, were still raising objections.

Today people are calling (publicly) for the cabinet to invoke the 25th amendment and remove Trump from office.
They won’t.

And people are calling for the President to be impeached.
He won’t be.

Instead, he was banned from Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram for spreading lies and inciting violence. yay.

I feel so helpless. Because if some members of Congress are still okay with the people who literally stormed their offices, who can we call on for justice? Who do I write call about the Capitol Police? The Capitol Police? Who do I call about Ted Cruz? Texas? Mitch McConnell? Do I even bother calling my representatives, knowing that they agree 100% with me?

My hope is that as Joe Biden is being inaugurated, federal agents bust into the houses and workplaces of all of the traitors who smiled for the cameras and drag them out in front of their neighbors and peers. These arrests would play out across the country like the final scene of a Godfather movie.

I’m sad and I’m angry but right now I’m just tired. I’m yearning for a normal that 1) won’t happen again because we’ve empowered people to share and enforce their radicalized right-wing beliefs – the cows have left the barn and; 2) was never even a reality the first place for some populations.

So much of what I believed of people has been disproven in the last 10 years. I’m tired.

There are phone calls to make (to whom?) but that’s going to have to happen tomorrow.

Note to historians: Tomorrow I’ll post a Friday Five because I’m trying to just do regular things so that I don’t dwell on all of this. But please know I’ll never forget this day and the sadness that I’m carrying.

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I’m a Cricut Joy Noob

January 6, 2021

Back when I was a teenage mallrat in the 1980s, there was a giant machine in the card store that would let you create your own card on a touchscreen and then it would SSLLOOWWLLYY draw that card out for you with some sort of robot and a rainbow of pens. The card cost maybe $6.99, which was very expensive for a teenage mallrat but it was worth it to see your recipient’s name on it in giant block letters. I can’t find an image of that that machine on Google because I’m probably missing the correct search terms. But I swear it existed.

If you took that machine and shrunk it down, you’d have a Cricut. Cricuts can draw on paper and cut through paper, vinyl, iron-on transfer paper, fabric, foil, and some thin woods. And instead of a touch screen, you wirelessly send designs to it via the Cricut phone or desktop app.

Cricuts power about 85% of Etsy as you know it today. Cricuts are how families have matching tees on their Disney vacations, how people make custom stickers for planners, and how two year olds own monogrammed sippy cups.

I was never really interested in a Cricut because they’re not cheap and they take up space. Plus I was under the impression you needed a touch of artsy skill to create anything of worth. And then my mother bought a Cricut Joy, which is the best kind of Cricut because it lives in somebody else’s house. One afternoon during Sloth Week I went over there and we got to work.

We created some cards with patterns downloaded from the Cricut design space onto the app on Mom’s phone. The Cricut cut the cardstock into the design. Then we tucked paper behind it to make the design pop. After three cards, the Cricut demons took over our souls.

“NOW WHAT?” I asked, breathlessly.
Mom dumped her kitchen utensils out of a crock. “Put a smiley face on this!”

Five minutes later we had a smiling kitchen crock. Five minutes after that, we put the word SMILE on there because Cricut people are big into posting commands like “EAT” in their kitchen and “DREAM” in their bedroom. I opened the design center and stuck three circles together to make a Mickey Head. I made three stickers. Two for the nephews and one for … I have no idea.

photo of 3 greeting cards, 3 mickey stickers, and a utensil crock with a weird smile on it
Cricut madness

Lest you think I’m above it all, I did a little work in Photoshop before I went to Mom’s so I could stroke my ego just a bit.

the kimberussell.com logo, printed in vinyl and stuck into my planner
I had do do it.

It was easy to use. Like, dangerously easy to use. And I am one step closer to having a sign that says PEE in my bathroom.

This is not a sponsored post but by all means, Cricut, hit me up with the dollars, boo.

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