A Crisis of Faith

November 24, 2020

This post is about my faith, so if you’re of the “zombie Jesus” or “invisible Sky God” persuasion and it’s working for you, I’m happy for you. Please afford me a little grace to write about this on my own blog without dropping those phrases into my comments, okay?

a mustard seed in the palm of my hand
“Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

I was raised Catholic and left the Church when it took a position that if you voted for a Democrat, you couldn’t take communion because you supported the murder of babies. They rolled that back very quickly at the time, but it was enough for me to take my leave. I then became an unchurched Christian. I joined the Episcopal Church for a while, but then the pastor made a theological swerve to the right that we weren’t comfortable with. I’m unchurched again. I have cobbled together a lovely belief system where God is love, and coexists happily with science. Work toward everyone being safe, loved, and warm. Apologize for mistakes. Leave the world a skosh better than how you found it.

I pray twice a day. In the morning, I thank God for the beauty and the promise of a brand-new day. And at night, I lie in bed and ask for help and comfort for the sick and/or frightened. That covers a lot of people these days.

If you’re unfamiliar with Christianity, THE CORE BELIEF is that Jesus, the human son of God, was crucified. He suffered, died, and was buried and on the third day he rose again in fulfillment of the Scriptures. (I typed that out from memory, thanks to years of CCD and Saturday night Mass.)

And one night a few weeks ago after forty-blah years of just believing that and in the thick of pandemic and election dread, the thought entered my head: The only people who SAW Risen Jesus were his followers who happened to write the accounts that we read. What if … as the fourth, fifth, sixth days ticked by, they realized their movement was hosed and they decided to just … claim they saw Him? Maybe not even in a nefarious way, but just a way to keep the good things that came from His teachings going?

And this revelation probably occurred to many people much earlier in their lives. They probably pondered, puffed their pipes, scribbled some words and became Scholars.

Me? I’m not those objective, level-headed people so I completely lost my shit. WM tried to comfort me, but I was pretty inconsolable and cried myself to sleep. If you’ve followed me long enough on social media I might *seem* real funny to be around but I have my moments too. Trust me.

After a few fitful hours of sleep, I snuffled awake again and stared at the ceiling. Anne Lamott wrote that there are three types of prayers: help, thanks, and wow.

I sent up a plaintive “Help.”

Slowly, a calmness settled on me and I felt a weight being lifted away. I felt a warmness within. Comfort.

It wasn’t a vision and it wasn’t a miracle. It wasn’t a burning bush or a parting of the seas or the empty glass of water on my nightstand being magically refilled. It didn’t even answer all of my “why is everything terrible and why are You letting so many of us die?” questions.

It doesn’t even lead to an exciting blog post.

But it was exactly all I needed to get back on track with my weird little faith journey.

Previously on faith…

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About the election…

November 19, 2020

The race wasn’t called for Biden/Harris for four harrowing days post-election. The Biden/Harris team won the popular vote and the electoral vote; however, Trump and his minions are filing lawsuits in various states trying to cast doubts on the legitimacy of the election. In some cases, they’re challenging the mail in results. In others, they’re challenging the voting machines. His challenges are being overturned and declined, but the damage these lawsuits are causing to the American people on a whole is serious. He keeps whipping his followers into a frenzy about rigged elections and stolen votes. And he’s not conceding, so the usual transition of power isn’t taking place. While our citizens continue to die from an unchecked virus.

A modern take on my favorite meme. Also we are in an age where Oprah explains memes.

And the extreme leftists are already trashing Biden/Harris for not being progressive enough. I agree that it’s time for Nancy Pelosi to step down. She had a good run, but we need new eyes and ideas in the House.

It’s exhausting and any positive feelings I had about Biden’s win crumbled within days of his speech.

The electors vote in December, meaning we have about 3 weeks more of this slog.

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