Novel progressing horribly. I’m still completely confident I’ll finish by 11/30.
Life progressing well. After almost 5 months, I’m starting to find my “normal” again. Starting to go back to doing some of the little things I used to do, like make bread in my breadmaker and curl my hair. Starting to sit on the floor and play with the cats again. Starting to cook meals again. And on Saturday, I think I’m going to join the local gym. Small steps…little things from the past life that I’m managing to carry through.
Don’t get me wrong, the pain is still there and sometimes it’s sharper than ever. For example, I started listening to Penn Jillette’s radio show again. I’ll say to myself, “They put on a great show in Vegas. On our anniv–…” I’ll look at recent photos and it leaps out at me how hard I was smiling. You get the point.
But I’m now accepting of the fact that things will never be as they were and that I need to look forward, not back. I’m cautiously planning a trip to Walt Disney World with Mom for a few days in February. Good things are coming…I can feel it.
As sayeth Marian Paroo:
All I want is a plain man.
All I want is a modest man.
A quiet man, a gentle man
A straightforward and honest man
To sit with me in a cottage somewhere in the state of Iowa…
And I would like him to be more interested in me
Than he’s in himself and more interested in us than in me…
And if occasionally he’d ponder
What makes Shakespeare and Beethoven great.
Him I could love ’til I die.
Him I could love ’til I die!
Being in love–what a lovely dream!
And yet, somehow,
Being in love’s only half of what I’m longing for now.
And so then,
Tonight I’ll be in there dreaming
And hoping that someday there’ll be
Somebody being in love with me…
“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.” – W. Shakespeare, “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”