A made up story

Once upon a time, in a FICTIONAL country called Cremebruleevia, FICTIONAL Company Pi used to allow jeans on Kick-back-and-relax Tuesday. So, everyone wore blue jeans on Tuesday. They also each flew hovercraft to work. Because this is made up.

Now, let’s say that a few people started wearing low-rise, thong-showing, torn up, distressed blue jeans. So the Tribal Council laid the smack on jeans on Tuesdays. ( you know…rather than address the issue with the few people dressed out of line). They were banned along with tshirts, sweatshirts, leggings, coonskin caps, team jerseys, sheerness, sleevelessness, unicorns, spaghetti straps, sneakers, fake tiger tails, sandals, drawing kittycat whiskers on one’s face and short short skirts.

(Translation: Kick-back-and-relax Tuesday is no more.)

“Jeans,” readers, means different things to different people at Company Pi, which by the way, is a law firm. Some people, when picturing jeans, think blue denim, flared or fitted, straight or bootcut comfy pants. So on Tuesdays, some people started wearing nicely cut colored colored jeans. Black. Khaki. Green. Etc.

Finally, the smack is laid down again, this time because allegedly people complained about one man who NEVER BOTHERS ANYONE AT WORK wearing colored jeans. No mention made of people who wore the local Professional Barbershop Quartet team jerseys on Tuesdays WEEKS before they were given the okay to (in honor of the Big Biennial Barbershop Quartet sing-off).

Result: someone (who has a seat on the Tribal Council, but was confused about the new Tuesday rule) was totally mortified, and had to buy khaki pants from UberMarket at lunchtime so as not to set a bad example to his staff. Khaki pants, mind you, that looked almost exactly like the khaki pants he was wearing earlier, just without rivets and with flimsier fabric.

So the dark-haired, bearded man, who had 6 fingers on each hand, embarrassedly admitted his wrongdoing/misunderstanding to a fellow Tribal Council member. Who, in turn, said no harm no foul and actually chuckled at the UberMarket pants. All is well again in Cremebruleevia’s Company Pi, except for the victim’s insane desire to rat on everyone he sees who plays the dress code fast and loose on Kick-back-and-Relax Tuesdays. Especially the guy riding the horse through the halls.

He’ll get over it, though. Becuase he’s completely fictional, and bears no resemblance to anyone you know.

Now, for something REAL…

Breakfast: Strawberry frosted donut (210 cal – Friday is donut day and I’d cry buckets if I gave up my Friday donut); water. Incidentally, it really hurt to only have one donut. I’m in awe of my own dedication today.
Lunch: Subway savory turkey wrap (190 cal) with American Cheese (40 cal – if I want cheese, I skip the roll), brown mustard (5 cal), and a diet Pepsi
Driving home snack: Light Doritos (120 cal) and a few pitiful sips of Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper (0 cal – 27 years after I first tried it, I STILL hate Dr. Pepper)
Light snack: 6 oz cooked shrimp (app. 150 calories)
Late dinner: TBD – I have calories to play with. I may do the pasta thing again and save some calories for tomorrow.

Calories??? Yeah. The old fashioned way. Worked before. It’ll work again. I’m trying to play with a 1200 – 1500 calorie day. And believe it or not, right now I’m not hungry. As opposed to Monday, when I was so hungry and miserable I would have kicked the Pope had he been nearby. And for all the blogging and b!tching I’ve done about it the last year, I truly haven’t been this determined to lose weight since last year. Maybe tomorrow I’ll hit the gym.

Because if one wants to wear one of these come summer, one must be svelte.

7 Comments

  • Very interesting topic. I covered thongs on a similar one on the LA Scene.
    (http://lascene.blogspot.com/2004/11/bra-straps-and-thongs.html)

    But here is the thing. Are jeans the problem or the low-rising pants? I must see a woman’s thong at least once a day no matter if its a pair of jeans, a nice pair of slacks, or even a skirt. Until someone tells those fashion gurus in Paris otherwise, I’m not sure what one is to do.

    Unfortunately, things like dress down days may fall victim to this. It won’t fix the problem, but you can’t blame it on the casual work clothes day.

  • I don’t think I’d get dooced over this one, Wayne. Maybe over some that I took down already, though. 🙂 Tom, the trouble is the stinking low-waist fad that won’t go away. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried on a skirt to have the waistline fall to my hips.

  • so you’d be perfectly comfortable if the “tribal council” including the “tribal council chief” read the above “fictional story”?

  • Hi, Wayne! Dooce insulted a LOT of people at her company, in her typical lovable but tact-less fashion. (See here.) Others have posted confidential memos and figures, or tales of sleeping around at work. Then you have the woman who posted pics of herself posing provocatively in a Delta plane in her flight attendant uniform.

    I wore a nice fitting pair of khaki colored jeans to work on Friday, thinking that only blue were banned. The head of HR was kind enough to remind me of the policy without making a huge deal of it, so I went to Walmart at lunchtime and bought an ugly pair of khaki chinos for the afternoon. I then sent an email out to my department telling them that ANY jeans were against policy. I blogged about my embarrassment. There is the story.

    Of course, now you have me creeped out that you’re going print this out and …

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