I’ve been playing World of Warcraft since early 2005. For the last 5 years my main has been a Blood Elf paladin, but I also have an Undead Mage and a Goblin Shaman. For a few years I kept a separate blog about it called WoW Wanderings because I didn’t want to bother you regular LGN readers with that nonsense.Well, screw it. This is part of who I am, along with the Disney and the beading and the marriage(s) and dogs and cat and fifteen different hair colors. So until I decide whether or not to bring back WoW Wanderings, I’ll be writing about WoW here. But I’ll title the posts appropriately, so you’ll know whether or not to skip them.
This is spoilery, btw.
Patch 5.4 brings us to the end of Garrosh Hellscream’s power-crazed reign of terror and leadership of the Horde. Because I’m an LFR player I won’t have a shot at him for a few weeks, but naturally the overachievers took him down in a few days.*
Aaaaand, it’s Volj’in. Was this supposed to be a surprise? The subject of the next Warchief had been a Trade Chat staple for months (Saurfang! Eitrigg! Rexxar! Lorthemar! Thrall II, Electric Boogaloo!) especially on the Horde side and the answer was the most obvious dude? Boring. He’ll probably be backed up by Thrall, who will never go away. Ever.
I’ve played WoW long enough to know that we heroes only occasionally get the killing shot on the big bad guy, but this is how I wanted the Horde-side story to play out…
(insert long fight where the only chance you have to win is to have an epic holy paladin on your team)
Garrosh is down to 1%, and Baine, Vol’jin, Lor’themar and Taran Zhu** rush in and drag him up to his knees. As my team stands at the ready, they recite to him all of the treasonous things he’s done (Stonetalon, Ashenvale, Theramore, destruction of Pandaria, the search for absolute power, etc.)
Taran Zhu concludes: “And your sentence is…”
At that moment, Garrosh’s chest lurches forward and his head drops. There is a large arrow protruding from his back.
Baine, Vol’jin, Lor’themar and Taran Zhu let him fall to the ground, dead. We all look up and see…
Sylvanas Windrunner, lowering her bow as she walks into Garrosh’s citadel. “Death, courtesy of the bitch of the Undercity. Gentlemen, you look shocked! Did you think that I would let you have all of the fun? After having my city occupied by his Kor’kron footsoldiers for years? Thank you, heroes, for softening him up for me.”
Behind Sylvanas appears an innumerable army of Forsaken.
“As you can see, I have my own army of heroes, and the ability to raise an infinite number of additional soldiers. I have no interest in being Warchief, but I want my city back.” Sylvanas pushes an orc boy in front of her. “Have the new Warchief issue a retreat order to the Kor’kron and give it to this boy. He’ll take it to the Undercity. Do it at once, or my army will find a new home here in Orgrimmar.”
The camera pans around to a Basic Campfire on the ground, and then pans up to Lor’themar, who steps forward.
“Baine is still young, and Vol’jin is quite old. So it has been decided that I am the Warchief of the Horde. You know I have no quarrel with you, Sylvanas Windrunner, and to prove such I will issue the retreat order. We can still count on you as part of our new Horde, yes?” Lor’themar signs an order and gives it to the boy, who flees.
Sylvanas smiles. “Thank you…Warchief. I always knew you were an honorable leader and am pleased that control of the Horde has shifted eastward. And yes, my people and I remain, as always, loyal members of the Horde.” She bows with a flourish. “Soldiers! Your Dark Lady commands you to retreat!”
The Forsaken army leaves. As Sylvanas exits the citadel, Varian Wrynn and Jaina run in with their 25 Alliance Heroes.
Sylvanas rolls her eyes and brushes past them. “You’re late.”
*And then they’ll complain for the next year-plus that there is nothing to do.
**Gallywix isn’t there; he’s no fighter.