Excuse me, where's the toothpaste department?

January 13, 2013

I had a dream that I was traveling somewhere and one of the things I *had* to do is visit Osmond’s — a giant megastore owned by Donny and Marie Osmond. It was a HUGE store indeed and to facilitate moving through it, the carpet had a (harmless) pulsing electrical charge that would harmlessly move you along.

Donny and Marie - current

“We’re in your dreams, Kim!”

Picture it as a cross between a magic carpet at a ski lift and one of those crazy pulsing ab belts.

Every time you’d enter a new department, a hologram of Donny and Marie would pop up and tell you where you were.

Donny (dressed as a fisherman): Welcome to the camping section. And if you need an expert, nobody knows camp like my sister, Marie.
Marie (dressed in hiking clothes): Shut up, Donny!

Donny (dressed as a butcher): Now you’re in meats and dairy. And if you need an expert, nobody knows about hamming it up like my sister, Marie.
Marie (dressed as a farmer): Shut up, Donny!

I ended up buying a lawn chair and a package of dinner rolls. The store logo consisted of a giant stylized smile inside of an “O” and I remember being really happy that I got to see the store.

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  • Dr. D January 13, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    Wow. You really are 40 aren’t you? Because nobody much younger or much older than that would have Donny and Marie cemented that firmly in their deep subconscious!

  • Dave January 13, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    Yikes. That’s kinda scary right there.