Hobbies, Life

These boots are made for … me, 15 years ago.

September 19, 2011

This weekend I was at DSW looking for a pair of sensible black flats. Which depresses me to no end, because I love me some awesome, kicky, high-heeled shoes. Through my entire life, I’ve only liked two styles of shoes…”slipper” and “hooker.”

However, my ability to wear hooker lovely high-heeled shoes without my arthritic toe* yelling at me for the next two days is slipping away with the rest of my 30s. So black flats it is for my day-to-day existence.

Which brings me to the beginning of my story. I was looking for boring-ass shoes when this glorious sight caught my eye. They were the tallest pair in the store, and when I saw them there, bathed by the spotlight, the beginning bars of “Welcome to the Jungle” twanged in my head.**


Oh my goodness. Aren’t they the most amazing, killer boots ever? Seeing these boots, knowing that they would NEVER work for me or my lifestyle was heartbreaking. It was like watching someone order breakfast at the Four Seasons while you’re stuck drinking a Boost.

So you ladies in your 20s…listen to your older blog sister Kim. You need to get these boots and wear them for me confidently. Be fierce while your body still allows you to be fierce.

Anyway, here’s what I ended up with:


If I can’t rock great shoes on a daily basis anymore, I can still pair black flats with colorful tights.

* I’m 99% sure Arthritic Toe came to be as a result of wearing hooker shoes all through my 20s and early 30s.

** Din-din-din-dindindin. Din-din-din-dindindin. Din din din dindindin din-din-din-din……

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  • ella September 19, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    I can soooo relate it makes me want to cry 🙁

  • Mike_NJ September 20, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    M’Lady has regular problems with shoes, too, so I understand where you’re coming from.

    We went a period of 3 or 4 months last year trying to find her flats with an arch that fit. Yeah, right. Ha ha.