If I went to Hogwarts…

July 22, 2007

Let’s say I went to Hogwarts the same time as Harry Potter’s final year…

One would have to be a complete idiot NOT to know that there’d be some final throwdown between the Lord of all Evil (who, incidentally, was president for a few hours while I slept in this morning) and that Harry Potter kid. Not a Quidditch battle…but some big world-shattering fight with balls of fire and snakes and Nazis and Boba Fett. And I’m not the best student, nor the most athletic nor the most popular. Nobody’d ask me to the Yule Ball. I’d probably be in one of the houses that wasn’t Slytherin or Gryffindor.

I’d be the equivalent of the Star Trek redshirt. Doomed to die a violent-but-meaningless death and have my body trampled on during Harry’s victory lap (or funeral procession, depending on what happens) around the Banquet Hall.

Given all of that, I’d probably take the school year off. Study abroad, maybe. Go intern at a Muggle vacation resort.

I quit reading the books during the World Quidditch Cup tournament back in book 4(??) when I realized I had read 1/4 of a very large book and the kids hadn’t made it to the darn school yet. Before the Wandering Minstrel read his copy today, I managed to read the last chapter and a half. I won’t spoil it yet, but after all of the whining and dramaqueening Rowling had done lately about finishing the series in tears and someone Not! Making! It! Out! Alive! I was completely puzzled by the last chapter.

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  • dr. dave July 22, 2007 at 8:44 am

    Puzzled? I dunno… it seemed to me that it ended the only way it could have ended. And plenty of people didn’t make it out alive…. the previous 700 pages are pretty much a bloodbath.

  • Wandering Minstrel July 22, 2007 at 8:46 am

    The ending wasn’t so bad, so long as you ignore the postscript-style, gooey-in-the-center, saccharine ending. End the book 8 pages before it actually ended, and it’s good.

  • Erin July 23, 2007 at 9:40 am

    Then it’s a good thing we can’t get into Hogwarts, being American and Muggles. 😉 But I’m like you. Rowling became her own Trekkie a few books ago. The other thing I love about her universe: Disney has a character whose 1 parent isn’t alive or Bambi’s mother dies and it should be banned because it scars children forever. Harry Potter books have featured murder since day 1 when we must relive his parents’ death Every. Single. Novel., watch his uncle and aunt abuse him, and now are subject to other horrible murders Every. Single. Novel. since the 4th and it’s celebrated as the best thing for children evah. Ah, double standards! 😉

  • Tommy July 24, 2007 at 7:01 am

    If it’s between Harry Potter and Root Canal, I’m choosing Root Canal. While I won’t anyone who likes the books or movies, I just don’t get it.

  • Tommy July 24, 2007 at 7:02 am

    Last sentence….While I won’t rip anyone who likes the books or movies, I just don’t get it.

  • John July 25, 2007 at 8:56 pm

    I’m not trying to start anything, but do you even know what your talking about? I have never read a page of Harry Potter, nor want to, but i have to say its ridiculous that you are critiquing a book that you don’t seem to know much about. If i’m not mistaken there are 7 books, you said you stopped reading during book 4, therefore you are commenting on something that you don’t have all the information too. Instead of pissing off all the harry potter fans who read your site, maybe you should take the time to read the entire series.

  • Caitlyn July 26, 2007 at 11:00 am

    its her own blog John she can write about what she wants. i’m a hp fan and i’m not pissed off. every hp reader has there own opinions of what goes on in the hp universe and they are all aloud to make there opinions known. thats what a blog is for.


  • dr. dave July 26, 2007 at 1:57 pm

    On an unrelated note… did you hear about the Disney ban on depictions of smoking? I hear that in the next DVD release of 101 Dalmations, they are going to use CG effects to modify it so that Cruella DeVille spends the entire movie chewing Nicorette gum.

  • Kimberly July 26, 2007 at 2:22 pm

    I’m a-closing up this thread now before it gets hairier.