Kimmy kimmy bo-bimmy banana fana fo fimmy

…fee fi mo mimmy…Kimmy!

So I played the name game at the MVC this afternoon. My mission was to get my name changed on my Driver’s License and registration. I had a folder full of identification. I was confident I could pass the 6-point ID Verification process with flying colors. Then I reached the receptionist.

DMV lady: You need to show us a marriage license.
Me: But I’m divorced….I have this birth certificate with my Dowd name, my current driver’s license with my Turberville name, and this gold-stamped name change decree which sends me back to Dowd.* (Mind you, I brought my birth certificate, passport, current license and registration, paycheck stub w/Dowd as the name, checkbook w/Turberville as the name, divorce judgement, court name change order and a Comcast bill. I was also ready to pee in a cup, if necessary.)
DMV lady: You need to prove that you were married.
Me: Doesn’t the mere existance of these very divorce papers prove that I was once married to Mr. Turberville?
DMV lady: …. (crickets chirping, sound of wind blowing through her ears.)
Me: Ugh. Fine. I’ll be back.

My new/old Social Security card will be here in 7-10 days. That was easy as pie.

*Go back to Dowd. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

5 Comments

  • I know how you feel. I just had to renew my license and I felt like a criminal. The lady kept running her fingers over the raised seal on my Birth Certificate and looking at me like I wasn’t who it said I was. I hate the fact that us law-abiding citizens have to be made to feel like low lifes because some assholes registered a car in NJ and shot up people in Washington,DC. We aren’t the ones that did something wrong—it was their own MVC workers that fucked up!!!!!
    Enuf said,
    JohnnyBlack
    RV salesman

  • Talking to people at the DMV is like talking to those “Artifical Intelligence” bots that are capable of parroting back canned responses to known questions, but are utterly incapable of any sort of original thought or action.

  • And what really stinks is that when I dispatch and pull up my maiden name DL, it will say on the DMV screen my old # and that I now use new # which surprise, has my married(well now divorced name). So by their own system they cross reference all the names you have used. I’m getting married for the second time, so I’ll have to wheel in all the documentation, birth name married name, divorced name, remarried name.

  • Government Clerk: I’m going to ask again, do you have evidence of birth?
    Simon: I’m sittin’ here ain’t I lady? What do you think, I happened by spontaneous combustion?

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