What is a weekend?

March 28, 2020

As of today, I have been home for 15 days, with the exception of two car rides and one socially-distanced visit with Mom.

mom and me, outside, at a depressing distance apart.
I brought my own chair.

I gave up giving up Facebook for Lent, because 1) everything is Lent now and 2) there are a lot of acquaintances on there and I wanted to make sure that they’re still okay. And while there was a GOODLY amount of Coronavirus panic on there, babies are being born, pets are being adopted, and birthdays are still happening. At least this tamped down political chat. EVERYONE is against what the government is doing/not doing. No matter what.

We had a departmental Zoom Happy Hour yesterday, which was fun, considering I had to mix my own drink. Rum and Coke Zero – I had 3, which was 2 too many. We are being challenged to do a Tik Tok dance for next time. I, queen of Bad Decisions, am down for this.

screenshot of a zoom conference call with video
The best coworkers, minus 2.

My NYT crossword puzzle streak has hit 50! I think it’s because I have finally picked up on their weird tricks and quirks and have committed the name of Nick and Nora’s dog (Asta) to memory forever.

50 day crossword puzzle streak

Things I am grateful for:

  • Everyone in my sphere is still healthy.
  • Despite some early bumps, I believe we as a country are starting to try to attempt (all of those mushy qualifiers chosen on purpose) to get ahead of this virus.
  • WM and still have jobs that can be performed from home and are still being paid our full salaries.
  • TNP has extended our remote work date to April 20. Personally, I don’t think we’ll be back in until May.
  • We are saving some money from not commuting and not eating out and applying that money to our credit card debt.
  • The dogs continue to live their best lives with us home. I have never seen a more contented pile of dog.
  • My sprouts are growing. This weekend I’m replanting some into larger pots.

Like last time, you can bounce after this photo of adorable sidewalk art in our neighborhood if you don’t want to read about some down times I’ve had. Ciao!

Found on our lunchtime walk.

Despite the gratitude list above, I have been crying off and on for a week and a half straight, caught in a loop of despair and catastrophic thinking. I’d go outside, see my yard, be thankful for it, and then break down sobbing that I’m going to die. I’d go inside, WM would hug me, I’d feel better and then break down sobbing that he’s going to die. Repeat, repeat, repeat. No matter what I did (measured breathing, meditation, walks, things with my hands) I couldn’t break out of it. I’d avoid the news and be okay, but then someone would post a “PEOPLE ARE DYING IN PAIN ALONE ON VENTS” image in the middle of their Instagram story and I’d immediately crumble.

After days of denial (because if one can’t be anxious and depressed during a fucking pandemic, when is it okay to be anxious and depressed?), yesterday I finally called my doctor’s office and scheduled a telehealth appointment. After a lengthy chat, he prescribed me some medicine, and I’m starting it tonight.

I’m noting this here because there is a stigma around getting help for anxiety. If I had broken my arm, I’d certainly mention my cast and pain medicines. This is no different. I have a job to perform and a little household to keep running and no matter what lies ahead, I need to be at my best for it.

This weekend I’m going to stay off of the internet as much as I feasibly can and give my emotions some time to heal. (She says as she posts this to the a website and Twitter and Instagram.)

Be well, be healthy, be smart.

is it worth it? can I work it? Can I put my thing down flip it and reverse it?

You Might Also Like

  • Confuzzled Bev March 28, 2020 at 2:46 pm

    I went out for a walk today and felt guilty for not staying home. It was the second time I left the house all week – the first being to go to the supermarket on Thursday!

    • Kimberly March 28, 2020 at 2:59 pm

      I do take walks, but I haven’t been in any stores. I think I’m being good then I read a story about people disinfecting their groceries and…nah. I should just go lick a pole and get it over with.

  • Ellie Gibson March 29, 2020 at 3:49 am

    Hey, I have increased some medication this week, hope it helps for you!
    ellieboa xx

  • Dara March 29, 2020 at 10:14 am

    I can relate to your feelings very well! I want to stay off the internet but I can’t. I scroll twitter endlessly now!

  • Tom April 2, 2020 at 4:11 pm

    The Asta reference made me laugh as a fellow NYT crossworder. See also Brian Eno and Ernie Els! 🙂

    • Kimberly April 5, 2020 at 9:52 am

      And golfer Isao Aoki, who hadn’t played in the US majors since 1990.