The Year of the Dog so far

(alternate post title 1: Sunday Bloody Sunday)
(alternate post title 2: Say hello to my little friend!)

Sunday morning after breakfast I was on the floor with the dogs, playing. I had a ball in my hand and was waving it back and forth it in a teasey “who wants the ball?” way. Murphy was very wound-up, decided he wanted the ball, and went for it. Except he missed and got my lip instead. He immediately let go. We paused for a half-second, shocked.

I saw the blood drip into my hand and thought, “if you little jerk broke one of my teeth I am going to lose it. Teeth are expensive.”

And then I touched my lip and … more blood. I yelped (and then Ollie yelped because he’s trying to be an emotional support dog), ran upstairs, looked into the mirror and saw that Murphy got me really good. Being a calm human, I called WM (in Michigan, where he’s been visiting his family) and hollered “HE BIT ME!”

No matter how many years you’ve been married (or how many times) you can still say the wrong thing at the wrong time. WM also wants you to know that he was actually in Michigan, can prove it, and didn’t punch me in the mouth. I guess being bit by your own dog sounds like a farfetched story. But I can’t be the only person this has happened to.

After he calmed me down from 700 miles away, I got an ice pack out of the freezer, stopping at another mirror along the way to double-check that I was seeing what I was seeing and called Mom to drive me to Urgent Care so I could keep pressure on my mouth.

There is a thin cut from the bottom of my nose to the top of my lip. I have an “H” shaped injury on the left side of my upper lip, and a laceration on the inside of that lip. Thankfully*, I didn’t need stitches. Instead, I have sexy steri-strips from the bottom of my nose to the top of my lip and nothing on the lip itself. The lip is very swollen in a way reminiscent of a Kylie Jenner Lip Challenge Fail. There is NO WAY to conceal it, so I’ll be answering dozens of questions all week at work. The inside laceration is already closed. The doctor says that lips heal quickly, and I choose to believe him. I got a tetanus booster (tdap) which probably hurt worse than the lip injuries, and a prescription for the largest antibiotic pills I’ve ever seen. I’ll put my face pic at the very bottom of this post, for the lip-injury-fetish crowd. What can I say? I’m a giver.

I did stay home today because I want to be 100% sure that the uncovered part is completely closed.

By the way, my local urgent care is Patient First and I love them.

I had to fill out a bite report on Murphy, ratting him out for what he did. It was a dumb accident and I hope nothing comes of it. I was dumb and had my face where it shouldn’t have been. Murphy is the largest dog I’ve had in years, and my reflexes aren’t what they used to be. I need to adjust my playstyle a bit.

We came home and cleaned up all of the blood I dripped all over the floors while running between rooms. There was much blood. I would never be able to get away with body disposal. I’m a panicky slob.

LATER THAT SAME DAY Murphy rolled/fell off of the sofa and bumped his leg. He was limping off and on (forgetting to limp if someone knocked at the door or if he went outside). Yesterday, Scarface and Her Dog went to the vet to get that looked at. $76 later we came home with a prescription and a suggestion to keep him calm which — hahahahhahahhaa. Yeah okay.

Pity WM, who returned from his trip today to a busted wife, a limping dog, and a house that probably looks terrifying under blacklight. Ollie’s fine. For now.

Happy Year of the Dog!

*I’ll probably regret this down the road because of scarring. Sorry, Future Kim. Past Kim didn’t want a sewn up lip.

Gross picture below:

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