Bedside manners

(Look at date. Look at slip of paper. Look at date. Take deep breath. Dial.)

Automated voice: Thank you for calling OmniMegaLab. Please enter your Social Security Number, followed by the pound sign.
Me (dialing): Beep-beep-beep – beep-beep – beep-beep-beep-beep. #
Automated voice: You entered Beep-beep-beep – beep-beep – beep-beep-beep-beep. If this is correct, please press 1 now.
Me: (deep breath) 1
AV: Thank you. Please enter your birthdate, followed by the pound sign.
Me: 090572. #
AV:You entered September. Fifth. Nineteen. Seventy. Two. If this correct, please press 1 now.
Me: (stomach starts to shake) 1
AV: Thank you. Please enter the date that the test was taken, followed by the pound sign.
Me: 112304. #
AV: Thank you. You entered November. Twenty. Third. Two thousand. Four. If this is correct, please press 1 now.
Me: 1
AV: Thank you. Please hold while we access your records.
(Ten very long seconds pass. Is that my hand trembling?)
AV: Thank you. Your test results are within normal limits. OmniMegaLab cannot provide medical information. If you have any questions, call your doctor.
Me: (sigh of relief…hangs up the phone)

***
Is it so difficult for a live office receptionist to give test results over the phone these days? A friendly human voice can make such a difference in a stressy situation. I’m sure it’s exponentially worse for those who are outside of normal limits.

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