I’m taking an online class to help me be accountable w/r/t fitness: physical and emotional. This is my (tardy) monthly journal entry.
What are some of your expectations that do not match up with reality?
I expect myself to be an all-or-nothing person. I expect to be able to, when dieting, completely give up all junk food. This isn’t the case. This NEVER has been the case. I don’t know why I think this can the case.
Let’s take my favorite snack chip ever. Cool Ranch Doritos.
They’re not good for me. They’re not good for anyone, really. When I try to be “Healthy Kim” I send the Doritos packing. Eventually (usually February) this backfires. Because when I ban Doritos from my life…I eventually break and eat a LOT of Doritos.
The solution for me is moderation. I can snack in moderation. I can drink wine in moderation. (Shut up, I can.) I can eat Hershey Kisses in moderation too. (But not pizza.) Therefore on Monday morning, I took the bags (yes plural, not a typo) of chips and divided them up into small serving-size packs. Done. And you know what? I’m completely fine with blowing 150 calories on 28 grams of Doritos, and I am ALSO completely fine with only eating 28 grams of Doritos. Who knew?
I knew. Why I do NOT listen to myself more boggles my own mind.
What’s working: Water drinking, eating the lunch I bring to work, leaving desk for work, flossing, washing face, work goals
What’s not working: Regular exercise, nail biting (lost that when the gum around my dental implant got infected), guitar practice, did not lose 3 lbs in February. AND I gained back the 2 I lost in January.
Recommitting?: Still in it. I downloaded My Fitness Pal and to my joy, saw that it adds calories to your daily allowance according to how much you exercise. Gamechanger. Your girl Kim is extremely food-motivated. The weather is getting nicer so I can start walking again. And I’m going to scour yard sales for a crappy bike and mix that in.
I’m taking an online class to help me be accountable w/r/t fitness: physical and emotional. This is my monthly journal entry.
Pencils down, January is OVAH! I made a lot of mini goals for January. Time to see how it all shook all out.
What worked, and why:
Food: Water drinking. By the end of the month, I began to notice if I was behind because I was thirsty. I am eating lunch from home at least 4 out of my 5 workdays a week. Sometimes I eat my own stuff all 5 days, but knowing I can let myself off the hook for a burger across the street or whathaveyou is nice. I lasted with Dry January until 1/29 and that’s a-ok with me. Truth be told I do Dry January to make sure I can go without alcohol for a month. I can.
Spirit: I am leaving my desk for a lunch for at least 30 minutes every day. It’s not the full hour, but that break out of the office (I’m bringing my lunch downstairs to the building’s cafeteria) helps. During that time I either read or write Postcards for Voters. I blogged 10 times in 31 days of January, which isn’t 3 days a week, but was darn close.
Beauty: Nails are 90% unchewed, the face is being washed/moisturized, the teeth are still flossed. These are the easiest goals because they’re visible to others.
Work: I’m taking some free online data visualization classes which are a lot of fun. (Hi, I’m a nerd.) That goes toward my private work goals. I am also being collaborative without being a doormat, which should be everyone’s work goal.
Weight: I’m down 2 lbs. I didn’t plan on losing weight this month so hey!
What did not work: Fitness: For the first time in 4 years, I abandoned the 30 Days of Yoga practice. I didn’t close all of my rings every day.
Spirit: My fingers REALLY started to hurt, so I laid off of the guitar for a week, and then became ashamed that I was not practicing. I’m going to stick with a 4x/week schedule instead of 5x/week. I became more annoyed by the Apple Breathe App then I was gaining from it. I’m not exactly sure what it says about me, but I’m dropping it to 1x/day for 2 minutes instead of 2x/day for 1 minute each.
What is getting in your way for doing what is needed? Just facts, no judgments.
Time. I wake up at 5:45 am and am out of bed by 6 am every workday. There is no downtime in there – all of that is “GET READY FOR WORK” time.
If I leave work exactly on time, I get home between 5:30 pm and 5:45 pm. I’m usually in bed by 10 pm. This gives me around 4 hours at night to have dinner, do a chore or two, exercise, practice guitar, get things ready for the next day, do the hygiene thing, and spend time with WM and the dogs. On paper, this doesn’t seem like a difficult task, but in reality, I’m having a hard time making it work.
But I see people who don’t have a full-time job and they’re taking exercise classes 2/3x a week in the middle of the day, and people whose natural fitness is so high they’re starting at 15K steps a day and are aiming for 20K and I think, “well hell, if I had all of that time I’d have my rings closed too!” I’m sure people see me as a person without kids and think I have it made (although my house still requires cleaning) so I have to just settle with the fact that this is hard for everyone.
But waking up earlier to exercise is non-negotiable for me and getting out of work earlier is non-negotiable as well. I have to create more efficiencies with those 4 hours I get at night. Even if it’s Friday and I’m tired.
Boredom is GOING to become a challenge, in fitness and food. Part of the reason I failed with YwA this month is that many of the videos started with us on our backs for 5 minutes. Which SHOULD be what I adore in videos but I kept looking at my watch. And once I fell behind too many days I gave up trying to keep up.
In February I’m going to switch up my fitness with a mix of yoga videos, Total Gym, and cardio dance videos. I do not have the endurance to dance for 30 minutes straight, (stamina has always been my weakest attribute, even running in elementary school PE class would leave me winded and shaky) but it will work to close that exercise ring on days that I walk more and only need 10 minutes of SOMETHING.
I’ve been bringing mason jar salads to work each day and trying to keep that exciting by mixing in a different dressing each week. But I don’t think the novelty is going to last much longer. I need a weekly meal-prep solution that won’t leave me doing a lot of work in the mornings, but will give me the FLAVOR I crave.
Shame. If I fail at something, even my own goals that I, myself, make and that have very few if any real-life consequences oh my goodness it kills me and then I just hide from the goal for a while. Or a month. I need to get into the mindset that each day is new.
In addition to the adjusted goals for February, I have a weight loss goal of 3 lbs. Let’s do this, February.
Happy New Year! You know how every year I’m all “oh hey I’m going to take better care of myself?” And then the next year I’m all “oh hey I’m going to take better care of myself?” And then the next year I’m all “oh hey I’m going to take better care of myself?” You can look it up, I’ve been blogging since 2002. (Happy Sweet Sixteen, blog!)
This year… oh hey, I’m going to take better care of myself! AGAIN. If things go well, I have around 34 good years left so I can’t stop trying to be a better version of me. I need accountability somewhere. To achieve that, I enrolled in an online class that comes with a closed community. Putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak. An element of this class is journaling once a month and what better place to put that than here?
Where have I been?
After the absolute trash fire that was 2017, a year that left me physically and emotionally exhausted, 2018 was a walk in the park with many reasons to celebrate. A new nephew! Regular trips down the shore! Travel to Florida, Austin, Seattle, and Walt Disney World! A puppy that managed to make it into adult dog form without killing himself or us!
Self-care? NAILED IT. I made CERTAIN that I put aside time for self-care. However, it’s the very easy part of self-care that I excel at. Sitting! Reading! Quilts and hygge and snacks! It’s also the popular, meme-able form of self-care that makes for great Instagram photos that people like. Because who does not like cozy quilts and sleeping dogs and steamy cups of coffee?
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that my spin on self-care was not as good for the self as I thought it was. This year I’m going to try to do the harder parts of self-care. Cutting back on putting crap into my body on a daily basis that extends past my yearly Dry January effort. Sticking with a fitness program that extends past the 30 days of yoga that I do every January. And yes, I’m doing that this January too. This year’s practice is here.
For a while this summer, WM and I were killing it with walking and fitness, but we spun it as training for Disney. Bad idea. When Disney came and went, I quit wanting to do the work, and my exercise rings suffered.
What do I want?
I don’t do well with handwavy goals. I like measurable, trackable things. In my class’s online community, I said I wanted to treat my body and mind better so that I say “ooof” less. To get there, this is what I want for 2019.
Weight: While I am not at my highest weight, I’m at the second highest, aka the first plateau down from the highest. In 2019, I want to lose 30 pounds. That won’t make me thin (I’m pretty meaty at the moment) but it’ll make me MUCH BETTER off.
Food: I want to drink 2 17-oz bottles of water a day. I want to eat the lunches I bring to work 3 out of the 4 days I go to the office each week.
Fitness: This month will be yoga every day, and closing all three rings on my Apple Watch every day. Next month I’ll transition into a mix of yoga and Total Gym.
Spirit: When able, I want to leave my desk every day for lunch, even if it’s just to an empty conference room to read. I want to blog 3 times a week. I want to use the Apple Watch Breathe App 2 times a day. I got a guitar for Christmas and I want to pick it up five times a week, even if it’s only 15 minutes at a time. (D-chord, A-chord, D-chord, A-chord, throbbing fingers)
Beauty: Polish my nails every week. This helps keep them out of my mouth. Floss every day. Wash and moisturize my face every night.
Work: I do have a few work goals, but they’re staying private.
Next month: I’m going to be proud of making these incremental changes, even if my weight and measurements don’t change. I’m playing a long game.
Next two months: My pants are going to be looser. My muscles will be sore but in a good way.
Next year: Thirty pounds lighter. Able to do crow pose. Play a Christmas carol on my guitar.