Life

The ballad of Brunhild

October 26, 2020

June, 2020:

Me: I need to get the Brunhild (the older of our Jeeps) inspected.
COVID: LOL!
State of New Jersey: *Extends inspection deadline until December 31, 2020.*


Two Weeks Ago:

Me: Time to get Brunhild inspected!
Brunhild: (dead)
WM: *replaces battery*


Friday:

Me: I took today off so I can take Brunhild to be inspected! Let’s go!
*confirms that registration and insurance cards are current*
     *checks brake lights*
          *checks headlights*
               *checks turn signals*
                    *starts Jeep*
Brunhild: AIN’T NO STOPPING ME NOW, FOOL!!!!!!! *brake pedal sinks to the ground, Jeep fails to stop*
Me: *cuts tires, pulls parking brake, kills ignition* #@!@&$@!#!*#(*!@#!(#!!#
My Apple Watch: Even a minute of breathing can reduce stress!
Me: *growls at watch*

(scene: int home. WM is teaching remotely on Zoom. Kim peeks her head into the office.)

WM: *offers look*
Me, mouthing and miming: The brakes are dead. *slashes finger across neck* It didn’t stop. *reaches both hands out as if they’re on a steering wheel, silently screams*. I have to get it towed. *makes rope tugging gesture*
WM’s Apple Watch: Even a minute of breathing can reduce stress!
WM: *presses mute, sighs* I’ll take a look at it in a few.

Me: *looks at audience*


(scene: ext home, 90 minutes later)

I’ve been a member of AAA since 1999, and they have towed many of my cars to various mechanics. I highly recommend them.

WM’s Apple Watch: Even a minute of breathing can reduce stress!
My Apple Watch: Even a minute of breathing can reduce stress!

~*~END ACT I~*~

There’s a puddle of fluid under her so we’re pretty sure it’s a brake line leak or something 100x more expensive. We’ll find out today!

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