Septebmer 29, 2003

C’mon…have a heart

We have a winner! (or Roulette 101) Written, naturally, last night
Friday night we decided to ip-skay the hockey game and go to Atlantic City instead! I haven’t been there in ever so long. We left right after I got home from work, and drove to Bally’s Wild Wild West Casino. It takes less than an hour to get there, and the ride was pleasantly filled with conversation. Not mindless conversation but discussion of government, religion, media, and other juicy things. I thrive on juicy conversation.

We arrived a smidgen before 4 pm. I headed to the roulette table, threw down $125, and dug in. The table was a $10.00 minimum bet, meaning you can either bet all $10.00 at once on any of the bets ‘outside’ of the numbers (ex: red/black, odd/even, 1st 12/2nd 12/3rd 12) or spread your $10.00 among the ‘inside’ number (ex: 5 chips on number 23, one each on 14, 17, 20, 26, and 29; which is my bet) If you hit directly on the number, you’re paid 36 to 1. Red/black, odd/even bets are even money, and the ‘twelves’ (also called the ‘down) pay 2 to 1.

Boy was I losing. I was down to my last $50, and hadn’t hit a darn thing. The dealer spins the wheel in one direction, then the ball in the other direction and declares no more bets. A beat later he says, “23!” My heart soars. Then I see the still-spinning ball. Bah. Kidder. The table laughs.

The ball drops neatly into 23.

And I start to laugh, as the dealer, stunned, assures us he had nothing to do with it.

I collect my 180 chips and cash out, meaning I turn in the colored chips (each worth $1 in my case) that are exclusive to that roulette table and receive regular money chips good in the rest of the casino. Cash them in, skip over to David, who is playing (and winning) at craps.

Someday I’ll be able to tell you about how craps is played. It’s the most intimidating game to me. I can get the bets down in my mind, but the etiquette is insane and unwritten. Chances are you’ll do something wrong, and the pit bosses and the patrons will yell at you. I think I’m yelled at every time I try to play. Which results in my taking my chips and leaving, as they laugh at me for being sensitive. Last time I was smacked with the dice, since the roller wasn’t patient enough to wait for me to put my measly chips down and threw the dice as I was betting. Got yelled at.

I don’t like craps.

But this time, in the spirit of a gambling Pollyanna, I try again. I put my measly two chips down. It was my turn to roll. I grab the dice off of the table in my left hand, transfer them to my right to throw. Chaos ensues, and a half-dozen voices yell in protest. Apparently, you cannot switch your dice from one hand to another. Dice are retrieved from me, and the grand inspection occurs. Because naturally in the fraction of a second that I possessed the dice, I marked them up, weighted them, and otherwise compromised the honesty of the game. I get the dice back, finish my roll, take my chips and walk off. David, I’m sure, is mortified.

“Aw…she got her feelings hurt,” sez one of the dealers.

Eff you. This craps table’s not getting another damn dollar from me tonight. Life’s too short to be yelled at when you’re in a casino, for chrissakes. I walk away silently and head to the slot machines.

Where I feed a $20.00 bill into the 25-cent machine, hit “Bet Max” (in this case, 3 quarters), and take my seat as the reels stop.

Wild —- 7 —– 7

Ring-a-ding-ding, baby, three red sevens!! Music plays, lights flash, 1600 quarters!! I do quick math and ask the lady next to me, “Is that $400????”

“No!” she replies, “it’s $400!!!!” Ho-kaaay..

Sweet!! I hug the slot attendant who hands me my cash and get my remaining $18.50 from the machine. (when you win, they make you play one more spin to clear the winning numbers from the window) I jump up and down like I was GOING to do so if I had been called on The Price is Right last year.

And smugg-ily walk back to the craps table with over $700 in my purse (winnings plus my what I had left of what I was gambling with) David is about $100.00 up, and the dealers ask me (condesendingly) if I had fun with the slots.

“I won $400 on my first spin.” I reply cooly. David nearly swallows his tongue at news of my winnings. He winds up his betting, and we head to the buffet for dinner, feeling like quite the winners.

We were home by 7 pm, and the winnings (minus $100) are going toward our Disney vacation!
End prewritten story

But that was this weekend, this is today.

Mood: Happy — also wearing new flirty red faux snakeskin shoes!
Wt: 142.2. Fantastic for a Monday. I held steady this weekend!
Work docket: Going to dig in and work on a PERL script for the letters to the editor. I was working on this back in January. Then I was pulled off of it to do some other things. Naturally, nobody remembers pulling me off of it. Now it’s top priority again. Until I get halfway through and another important (revenue-generating) project comes along.
Lunch: Brought Lean Cuisine Salisbury Steak
Afternoon plans: Rousing walk with Max. Head to Genuardi’s.
Evening plans: Fold laundry. Clean litter boxes.

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