Three movies I was subjected to this month

WM picked all three of these movies, because I am currently saving my movie-demands capital for the Hadestown pro shot in July. Marriage is about compromise, and compromise sometimes looks like Jason Statham.

Masters of the Universe (in theater)

We were two of the approximately 200 people who went to see this opening weekend. This one was surprisingly charming and fun. Barbie ran so He-Man could casually jog.

I don’t want to spoil anything, but there is a sweet explanation for why characters are walking around with names like Fisto and Mekaneck, and I wasn’t prepared to be moved by He-Man lore. It got me in the same way that The Lego Movie did when it revealed what The Kragle was.

Jared Leto was a nothingburger and it was very easy to pretend he wasn’t even in the movie and they hired some voice guy to play Skeletor.

Shelter (rented)

WM is a complete fiend for Jason Statham movies, and I respect this because marriage should be about supporting your spouse in good times and in bad. We rented The Beekeeper last year, and that one was fun.

Shelter was not. It was long, and it didn’t even include the overly trite plot point that I thought should have been there from the start. The best scene was when he defended his lighthouse. Everything else was a disappointment.

Mortal Kombat 2 (rented)

I understand that one does not watch Mortal Kombat 2 for True Cinema. I did not arrive expecting emotional nuance. I arrived expecting people to fight until someone dramatically stopped doing that.

But when the movie introduces the idea that Kombat does not technically have to be to the death if the victor decides to spare someone, it reduces the suspense. Remember when the video game franchise received so much blowback from Concerned Parents that they introduced babalities? Yeah.

I also think they should have cast the Miz as Johnny Cage.

We’re going this upcoming weekend to see Raiders of the Lost Ark in the theater, and that one I’m excited about even though I’ve seen it approximately 100 times in the 19+ years we’ve been together.

And in July, we watch Hadestown.

I’m coming, wait for me…