Testify! (written in advance because I’m not dumb enough to do this much at work)
(the church organ swells as Kim walks down the center aisle and stands at the pulpit)
My brothers and sisters, I have sinned. (murmurs from the congregation) The past few days…I have fallen. And fallen HARD upon the jagged rocks of crappy junk food. (gasps from the congregation) I have had burgers, fries, Taco Bell — “
(a woman in the audience shrieks, “Not Taco Bell?!?” and prompty passes out.)
“…yeah, ok. Taco Bell, and Mountain Dew. And pizza for lunch. And cupcakes for breakfast. It hasn’t been pretty. No it has not. But I have SEEN the light!”
(tamborines shake, crowd hoots in approval)
“Last night, my brothers and sisters, I lay writhing on the sofa…my very stomach crying out from fighting the evils of grease and mystery-meat. It was crying, crying for sal-va-tion!!!”
“And I have seen the LIGHT! I have LEARNED that exhorbitant amounts of junk food will make me feel BAD!”
(crowd: how bad?)
“Bad as Gary Coleman running for Governor of California Bad!!”
(another woman passes out)
But I have been SAVED! For once I realized that continuous eating of junk food makes me feel BAD, my stomach stood up and began to fight harder. And I know the power of healthy eating will set me FREE!!
(crowd hoots and dances with snakes)
My brothers and sisters…don’t stumble down the path I travelled last night. For Salvation does NOT come from a pink bottle of Pepto-Bismol…but from the knowledge that good foods won’t cause you Pain!!! Testify!
(congregants and Kim dance in the aisles as the chorus and organ burst out in happy hymns)
OK. It wasn’t THAT bad. But it bad enough that I skipped yoga.
Wt: 138.8. A totally undeserved weight loss
Mood: Perky, despite worries that are non-blog-able. Yes I do hold some back. 🙂
Work docket: Did communities. Will do Scrapbook, and hopefully launch Community Guide content today.
Lunch plans: Salad.
Evening: Will meet Mom for dinner somewhere and perhaps hit Old Navy.